So, I just took a week off work from my 2 part-time jobs, so that I could relax and get some rest. It was really nice and I went to visit my parents who were very encouraging! I got back to work yesterday and feel just as stressed as I did before I left. This is so not fun. I need a new job.
My parents gave me a book called The Successful Family, and it talks about a bunch of different things. One of the topics is about having children. In that book I read that God really does want people to be parents and he doesn't have favorites. That means when everyone around me is having babies, then I should not be sad, because God does not like them better than me. I will be a mom someday too.
Also, the book talked about things that we should do to fight for our right to have children. I have started reading my Bible from the beginning and I will write down every verse that I can find that talks about having children. I really like Deuteronomy 7:13 - He will love you and bless you and increase your numbers. He will bless the fruit of your womb.
So, I am trying to be more positive, and believe that God does have a plan for me and that plan includes children.
This is a hard thing for me to do, when surrounded by people who don't understand and are pregnant or have children already, and don't understand how difficult this is. I don't really have anyone to talk to, but finally I think that Dave is seeing that I have been struggling with this all on my own, and he is starting to help me and encourage me, and pray with me. That is huge!